How Embracing Imperfection in Motherhood Helps You Find Balance

As mothers, there is a societal expectation for us to have everything under control: meals, schedules, playdates, a tidy house, fitness, stylish attire, and composure. The pressure to maintain perfection is constant. However, when we look beyond the facade, we realize that mothers encounter significant challenges. It is unrealistic to expect mothers to uphold a flawless image while also tending to their families and homes. Succumbing to these demands can result in stress, overwhelm, social isolation, and fatigue. Neglecting these issues can lead to mental health struggles.

By embracing imperfections and redefining standards, mothers can achieve a more balanced life. This includes fostering connections, reducing stress, and overall, leading a more satisfying life. This is not to diminish the fulfillment of caring for children, but mothers also require time for themselves. When we prioritize ourselves, we are also prioritizing our children.

Personal Battle with Perfectionism

My journey through perinatal depression and now postpartum depression was ignited by the unrealistic standards set by "perfect moms" on social media and societal norms. I faced feelings of inadequacy so intense that I once believed my absence would improve my family's life. The pressure to measure up to others has always lingered, but in today's world of constant comparisons, it's become suffocating.

I needed to rest but refused to let myself take that time. Even when my husband forced me to go lay down and relax, I couldn't. Mentally, I couldn't shut off. My depression kept feeding me lies that I'm a terrible mother and wife, that I'm a burden, I'm lazy, and the thought of why I can't just be a normal mom kept running through my head. But my definition of normal was a "perfect mom", an unobtainable standard. In reality, I was doing as much as I possibly could to still be there for my son. I was being a great mom despite how much I was suffering; I wouldn't let that show to my son. Depression and perfectionism go hand in hand; they thrive off of each other. We need to acknowledge that the "perfect mom" doesn't and will never exist.

To confront my depression head-on, I chose to reduce my social media usage and shield myself from the portrayal of the "perfect mom." This decision not only offered some relief but also granted me the necessary breathing space to navigate my emotions. I still grappled with a relentless cycle of daily despair, neglecting self-care, dealing with guilt, and sinking deeper into depression. However, with time, giving myself grace, the guidance of a therapist and psychiatrist, I have made significant strides. I have learned to accept my flaws, embracing them on brighter days and leveraging various strategies to combat self-doubt on darker days.

By reading this, you most likely resonate with the feeling. Studies show that approximately 87-94% of mothers experience guilt. Understanding that perfection is out of reach and that you are not alone in this battle is a crucial first step. Keep in mind to focus on self-care and recognize that you are an exceptional mother who is giving her best effort. Even if you can offer 30% on a given day, giving that 30% signifies that you are giving your everything for that day.

Embrace a New Perspective

Changing your perspective is key - you have the power to transform how you view the day. Picture this: time is running out, chores are piling up, and you're starting to feel overwhelmed. Rather than being hard on yourself, make a conscious effort to change your mindset. See it as an opportunity to bond with your kid(s) and teach them how to fold laundry. Even if you only get through a few pieces, you'll feel a sense of accomplishment and get your child involved!

Embrace the messiness of motherhood by shifting your perspective! It may not be easy, but it can lead to laughter and new memories. Instead of trying to control every aspect of your day, adapt to whatever comes your way. Enjoy the journey and keep in mind that every situation is temporary. Embrace the beauty found in chaos and unpredictability!

Strategies for Embracing Imperfection

1. Practice Self-Compassion

Experiencing moments of anxiety, anger, sadness, etc., is perfectly normal. You are human after all! Embrace your feelings without criticism. Self-compassion is essential, so be gentle with yourself. Take time to rest and recharge in order to effectively handle your emotions. It's okay to ask for help, put on a show for them, or tell them it's independent playtime. Take the time that you rightfully deserve to gather your thoughts and cultivate a feeling of calmness.

Parenting may sometimes result in feelings of regret for being too harsh. Acknowledge the impact on your children. Demonstrate humility by offering sincere apologies to heal emotional wounds. Embrace the power of genuine apologies to nurture a strong relationship built on empathy and forgiveness.

2. Redefine Success

Parenting comes with high standards, but striving for perfection can be counterproductive. Letting go of control and embracing flexibility is essential. Encourage your kid(s) choices and interests to strengthen the parent-child bond and allow yourself to have some breathing room. Embrace flexibility and let go of unrealistic expectations to navigate parenting challenges with ease. The most important thing is the love, support, and guidance you offer. Your achievement should be measured by your child's happiness and sense of being loved and supported, rather than by their ability to count to 10 at the age of 2.

3. Practice Patience

Embrace the present moment with confidence. Remember that the current situation is temporary, and your child is simply being a kid - doing what they are naturally meant to do. Just as we ask our children to be patient with us, extend the same patience to yourself and them. Recognize that your child is an individual with their own needs and pace. One thing that has been beneficial for me is that when we are in a rush to leave the house or getting ready for dinner, I initiate a fun distraction such as turning it into a competition to reach the car quickly, demonstrating how they can dress themselves, or assisting me with a basic dinner preparation task. This absolutely boosts the fun factor of the tasks for everyone involved!

The Impact on Children

When we release the need for perfection, we show our children that it's acceptable if things don't always go as planned. Our measure of a successful day is not based on productivity alone. Children observe and emulate our behavior, so demonstrating that it's okay to make mistakes or face unexpected challenges can instill resilience, adaptability, and compassion in them. This, in turn, helps them develop into more well-adjusted adults ready to handle life's challenges.

Moving Towards Balance

To achieve balance, it is beneficial to start with small steps. Personally, I have found it useful to use timers for specific tasks. For example, when faced with a pile of laundry that needs folding, I will set a timer for 5 minutes. Once the timer goes off, I may either switch to another task or set a new timer. Breaking tasks into smaller chunks helps me better manage the chaos, and even just dedicating 5 minutes makes me feel accomplished. The same approach can be applied to setting aside time for yourself. If you struggle with feeling guilty about taking time for yourself, simply set a timer for however long you desire to engage in activities you enjoy. Gradually ease into finding balance to prevent becoming overwhelmed.

The Beauty of Imperfection

Embrace imperfection to find joy in the moments of motherhood, rather than feeling drained and stressed. Release the need for control, as the only thing we can truly control is ourselves. Motherhood is not about perfection; it tests us, fosters growth, and teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves during tough times. It reveals our resilience and offers new strategies for overcoming challenges. You will discover that you become more mindful and will begin to appreciate, or at least accept, the chaos!